Lana Reese Designs

The Power of Think

Mind Into Matter

Emotional Abuse Awareness

Introduction

I'm here today to talk about a very dangerous form of abuse. Emotional abuse is a silent killer of wills, of spirits, and sometimes lives themselves. This form of abuse has stripped personalities clean from souls. It has hunted down and killed children and adults alike in school yards and post offices. It has slept in corners and darkness, waiting for the right time to strike. It is a snake that weaves itself into our daily lives, un-noticed by the outside world. It strikes anyone who gets in its way.

This abuse has many names. Sometimes it's called stupid, but it is very wise. Sometimes its called crazy, but it is very sane. It takes control of the strongest minds and makes the timid into nothingness. Unlike physical abuse, this silent killer leaves no visible scars.

My name is Lana Reese, and I am a survivor of this silent killer. I am also a facilitator and speaker for public awareness and education. This form of abuse must be made public and

I am here to speak for those who can not.

In my research I have found this form of abuse very widespread throughout the world. In many countries I would not have the freedom to speak out, therefore I take this opportunity to do so.

Many aspects of this form of abuse will be covered in this blog, and I will bring to light many things that in the past have only been buried in the victims minds.

Since many of abusive relationships are heterosexual In this first section we will discuss various aspects surrounding this one relationship, but If you are in any type of an abusive relationship, you too may recognize yourself in many of these instances.

Understanding emotional abuse will help those involved and their loved ones, to cope and recover from its affects and move on to healthy loving relationships.

The examples I will speak of, are actual cases of verbal abuse, facts statistics, studies done by professional therapists and through interviews I have conducted myself. If you are in or have escaped an emotionally abusive relationship, you will no doubt validate some of your feelings and will know that you are not alone in this fight for freedom.

Many of us have a hard time recognizing exactly what is wrong in our relationships. We get confused as to why someone would talk to us this way, and often feel that we must have said something to deserve it.

Domestic and emotional abuse can occur in any of the following:

Dating relationships, Significant other relationships, Married couples, Parent and child relationships and caregiver relationships. It also includes bulling. 

Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. Emotional, verbal, and mental abuse are all components of domestic violence. Emotional abuse follows a pattern. It is sustained by repetition. Over time it gets worse, never better!

Emotional abuse is not unlike other forms of abuse, it happens most often to those who hold the least power and resources in society, namely women and children. All forms of abuse can not occur without psychological consequences, hence all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse in children can impair psychological development, including: memory, perception, attention, imagination, intelligence and recognition. Most often moral and social development are impaired and the ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions is hindered.

Consider these facts

The emotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and/or behavioral problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive abilities, poor social skills and educational achievement.

The affects of emotional abuse have only recently been recognized because there are so few studies done in this area. Some reasons for the lack of recognition:

There are few consistent definitions so it makes emotional abuse hard to define

Many cases go unreported

Here we will take a closer look at the components of emotional/verbal abuse.

Speaking of a heterosexual relationship. Statistics show that in this kind of relationship most (but not all) emotional abuse happens by the male partners.

All types of abuse are used by the abuser to control, demean, harm or punish the victim. The end results are the same for any type of abuse. The victim is afraid of the abuser and changes his or her behavior to accommodate or to protect themselves from harm.

Many people feel that emotional abuse is not as harmful as other forms of abuse. But studies show that the women interviewed have disagreed with this statement. I am one who believes that the emotional abuse has had a far greater traumatic effect than the physical abuse. Studies also show that one of the main problems is finding someone to listen and to take it seriously.  Validation or the lack of it, has been a major cause of victims staying in the relationship.

Some Components of Emotional Abuse:

1.Humiliation, weather in public or private

2.Using your physical disability against you in some way.

3.Confusing you, so that you feel like your going crazy

4.Isolation from family and friends.

5.Destructive criticism

6.Making you feel shame

7.Punishment threw silence

8.Continually putting you down even when you are already down

9.Brainwashing or repeating abusive words

10.Fault blaming. Telling you it's your fault that you are being treated this way.

11.Telling you that you don't deserve the things you have, including necessities.

12.Denial of the abuser/ they say they don't remember saying that to you.

13.Unwilling to discuss the pain

14.Insulting your gender

15.Physical threats

16.Threatening to harm your pets

17.Withholding love or necessities

18.Refusing to get proper medical attention if you need it

19.Refusing access to money you earned yourself

20.Breaking valued possessions

21.Withholding food

22.Taking your right to speak, cry or laugh away.

23.Expecting/demanding sexual pleasures when you are not able.

24.Withholding family business information from you, such as financial information.

25.Holding you responsible for things totally unrelated to you. Like the weather or the loss of a sports game.

The intent of the abuser is to destroy the victims dignity and self-worth.

The abuser will often tell you that they are just trying to help you become a better person.

Statistics show that 35% of all who are or have been in married or common-law relationships have experienced emotional abuse , in comparison to the 29% of these women who have experienced physical abuse.

The presence of emotional abuse is the greatest factor and predator that leads to physical abuse especially when there is name calling involved and many times leads to the abuser killing the victim or murder suicide. The victims themselves have also taken their own lives on account of this abuse.

Effects of emotional abuse:

Many victims reported that the effects from the emotional abuse outweighed the physical abuse. In one study 79% of the women survived said that the emotional abuse is responsible for their health problems. Some of these physical heath problems consist of:

Headaches, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and digestive problems.

In children the affects may be far more damaging.

Why do victims stay in these relationships?

Most victims try to end the emotional abuse by compensating in some way. By being subservient or obedient. Another reason many victims do not leave is the lack of support by family or professionals. Many more victims stay on account of the children of the relationship. They fear that people on the outside will blame them, for the break-up.

Counsellors who blame the victims.

Control & Oppression

Professional Counsellors Who Blame The Victims

and tell them to try harder.

Family who will not Validate or support the victim

Many Abusers Don't Know They Are Abusing  Until They Become Aware of What Emotional Abuse Is.

I hope this information has opened your mind to take a second look.  Send me your story and I will post it. All names will be changed and personal information is confidential.